Avant Garde

Membeli CD Merzbow kemudian ditanya oleh penjual "are you a musician?". Aku pandang tepat pada kedua biji matanya dan berharap dia sedang bergurau.

Jika soalan itu ditanya ketika aku membelek rekod Mozart, sekurang-kurangnya aku boleh berpeluh dingin sama ada untuk menjawab secara jujur ataupun tidak. Jika aku mungkin peminat paling setia Merzbow, it is probably because of the sheer thought that we both have common share in the lack of musical talent.

"Hey this is cool, I can do this shit".

Tiba-tiba kepala menerawang pada jenaka-jenaka sekitar irama dan muzika industrial, glitch dan noise.

"Periksa ini kawan, ada rilisan terbaru mereka"

"wah, terujanya. Berapa lagu semua?"

"Heh, who cares man, does it made any differences?"

Hanya pada siapa yang memahami. 

Sibuk dan Selamat Hari Raya

Kepada mak dan ayah di kampung, saya terpaksa bertugas di pagi raya untuk menjana ekonomi negara demi kesinambungan generasi akan datang. Saya akan pecut pulang selepas selesai tugas. Pada malam raya saya akan cuba menjadi dipresif dan menghayati watak Will Freeman dengan menontot banyak DVD serta smoke some joint all night long. 

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri dan maaf zahir batin. 

Home Improvement Bonus Entry

Si Dia: "Stop saying 'fair enough' "

Si Lelaki: "what? uhh, fine."

Si Dia: "And stop saying 'fine' "

Si Lelaki: "God this is ridiculous, what am I suppose to do?"

Si Dia: "just stop doing what you're doing"

Si Lelaki: "what the hell did I do?"

Si Dia: "this, stop agreeing with me, stop backing yourself away from me, stop being passive, stop refusing to talk"

Si Lelaki: "I'm not!"

Si Dia: "Yes you are. You can't just walk away from all this, it's like you don't care anymore"

Si Lelaki tekup kedua tangannya ke muka, mengeluh panjang.

Si Lelaki: "you want us to argue?"

Si Dia: "that's not what I meant. I just want us to talk this through"

Si Lelaki: "fair enough"

Si Dia: "stop saying that!"

Si Lelaki tekup kedua tangannya ke muka, mengeluh panjang.

Si Lelaki: "Okay, so just tell me, what part of this 'I'm-being-a-bad-sport-argumentatively-challenged-husband' which I didn't get?"  

Si Dia: "there, you does it again"

Si Lelaki: "what did I do now?"

Si Dia: "being cute, it's not even cynical you know"

Si Lelaki: "by the love of god!"

Si Lelaki tekup kedua tangannya ke muka, mengeluh panjang.

 

Of Friendly Gas Station Workers and Ramadhan

Ramadhan is back! I'm welcoming it, to those who despise it over their agnostic 'comfort zone' or such other 'coolness of being the non-pious', I suggest that you should consider recreating Benjamin Franklin electricity experiment, using a metal wire for the kite rope, and curse god while you're at it. Do not take me wrong, I said it with all the good spirit of ramadhan and being a polite and soft-spoken person that I am, otherwise I would just bitch it all out to you, "go rot in hell you apostates!!"

Ramadhan is sacred to me and I intend to respect it deeply, maybe this isn't the proper way how to describe it (spiritually and intelligently) but this whole month feel 'magical'. It feel much more heartfelt to be discovering my inner and spiritual identity. To know your place and Who put you here and how well you know Him or just to get the glimpse of revelation on how well you let yourself be connecting, or superficially speaking, let God knows what you are as his most humble servant. Closing the gap between us and The Creator.

This year, as supposedly as last 2,3,5 years pervious, i am kinda, more than halfheartedly determined to perform the Terawih as many night as possible. Not denying whenever I'm home in Kuala Lipis, my father harsh insistence being also a contributing factor to the noble quest. Other than that i am a faithful servant to no avail.

I have no problem with fasting, religious obligation aside, i think it's cool to fast. It challanges living creature nature of feeding and eating for continuos survival. It beat the purpose of life as to only obtaining food. The need of Food is a default weakness of mere mortal. Challanging my hunger, while still performing my normal routine and chores, means i am doing something beyond mere mortal may comprehend. That's empoweringly cool!

And fasting have the power to change the world, just ask Mahatma Gandhi, or other immortal activist who perform hunger strike to freak the soul out of authority to follow their demand. Fearless hungry men and women with a cause, now that's ACE!

Except for bullemic and people on diet, they're just freakin loser. Immortal don't need to care for something as trivial as your figurine. Super powered immortal like us, we only stop eating to scare people off and demonstrate our power.

Anyway, for the last two days i encountered a couple of very friendly gas station workers, i mean in a professional way of delivering friendly and quality service. But it's like, it's a freaking gas station, not that i'm looking down of such occupation but what do they expect? To be notice and promoted as vice CEO of Petronas? I don't care about how outstanding and profesional customer service they providing me or how poorly trained they are, i don't mind if they asked me repeatedly on how much i wanna put in my gas. I understand them if they are like that, i've been there, i've tasted their struggle, a fellow of the humble low waged working class.

But then Ramadhan revelation kicks in, leaving me feeling ashamed of myself. i've been disgraceful as super powered fearless-of-hunger immortal. What's wrong with being committed to everything that we do? no matter how other people see it as not important. If you do anything, do it properly and as best as you can. That's what i learnt. what good if you are a super powered fearless-of-hunger immortal if you're not passionate with what you do. It's not a matter of enslaving oneself or being workoholic, it's about serving the best and doing the best you can. If everything is done with the utmost effort in this world. I would have stop complaining, and thus no need to use my power as fearless-of-hunger immortal. the world will be a lot less pain in everyone ass if people see everything littles, matters equally.

So this Ramadhan, I've learn professionalism. How very profoundly unmaterialistic and unworldly lesson.

* Ditulis pada sept 27, 2006. Dipetik dari blog lama aku. 

Rebelde 2

Keesokkan  hari ada ujian Thermodynamic, atau mungkin Kalkulus, atau Mass Balances. Yang pasti matapelajaran sukar yang meragut kegembiraan dan kebebasan jiwa remaja kami. Namun tidak semudah itu kami ditindas, naluri pemberontakkan semulajadi mula membuak-buak. 

Diatas meja ditengah-tengah kami hanya ada sebuah bekas air plastik yang sederhana tinggi. Tiada dadah, tiada rokok, tiada senjata api.

Ah pejuang kebebasan perlu kreatif. Lalu kami selongkar setiap almari dan laci untuk sebarang bahan-bahan terlarang. 

Kami berjaya memperolehi satu bungkusan yang penuh berisi dengan pek segera minuman tongkat ali Nescafe. 

Kami isikan suku penuh air dalam bekas air plastik, kemudian masukkan semua sekali serbuk dalam pek minuman segera tongkat ali Nescafe, hingga tepu, goncangkan sekuat hati.

Yang paling berani diantara kami take the first shot. Jantungnya tidak terhenti. Kemudian kami bergilir-gilir menghabiskan seteguk.

Beberapa saat kemudian konsentrasi kafein dalam darah kami mula memberi kesan. Kepala jadi ringan. Dan malam itu kami tidak mampu untuk berhenti ketawa dengan lawak-lawak bodoh masing-masing, hingga kejang rahang.

Viva la revolution!